The Singles Jukebox

Our feelings are (mostly) pretty consistent on this one though.

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[3.00]

Alfred Soto: Will you please stop shouting? You might be a better person than the creator of “Sad!” but you didn’t make a better record about your malicious self-absorption. 
[1]

John Seroff: The Post Malone narrative of “is he a rapper or is he emo or is he an appropriating pop star” mostly serves to obscure the larger question, which is when is he going away? Bonus sympathy point for Frank Dukes’ production, which sounds to me to be providing the weight on this sure-to-be multi-platinum turkey.
[3]

Katie Gill: Sure says a lot about the state of modern music that we let friggen Post Malone get multiple hit singles and that I’ve heard this boring piece of three minutes, twenty seconds multiple times on my perpetually late to the game Top 40 radio. A Jonas Brothers reference (which admittedly, is so stupid that I kind of love it) can’t replace the fact that Post Malone doesn’t have any flow, doesn’t have any wordplay, and has a vocal style that calling it monotone is the nicest thing you’d say about it. This is a song sung by someone who claps on the ones and threes.
[2]

Vikram Joseph: While banal and inoffensive on the surface, I feel like there’s something particularly grotesque lurking in the shallows of this fratboyish attempt at regret, which runs deeper than the mere grating nature of Post Malone’s vocal melodies. It’s honestly hard to pin down why this song grinds my gears so much, but maybe it’s the sense of entitlement that underpins his protestations about how much he misses her. The guilt-trip of the line “woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything” gives the game away, and not intentionally either – this is nothing more than a petty man-child playing at being mature about the situation, and the facade’s crumbling.
[2]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: This works better than the rest of his singles, mostly because his sad sack demeanor finally matches what he’s singing about. Unfortunately, a more fitting choice of topic doesn’t make Post any less annoying. Credit where credit’s due, though: “I seen you with your other dude/He seemed like he was pretty cool” is maybe the only interesting couplet he’s ever had.
[4]

Thomas Inskeep: Well, it’s not nearly as gross as his other hits, just dull as fuck. But boy, does this asshole have a problem with women. 
[2]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: How many pop music fans refuse to admit that this is essentially a Taylor Swift song?
[7]