The Singles Jukebox

It’s in the Billboard charts. I like the title. That is the entire reasoning for us reviewing it…

[MySpace]
[4.64]

Anthony Miccio: Radio Filla featuring Sleazy Baby.
[4]

Doug Robertson: I have more faith in Calvin Harris’ claim to have invented disco than your wholesale appopriation of the concept of intercourse.
[3]

Chuck Eddy: Maybe Trey should join up with Electric Six, who invented the night six years ago. Some purty harmonies, too; wow, they almost sound like soul music! Too bad he had to sing words and stuff. And hire some boring rapper.
[5]

Spencer Ackerman: It’s cute how Drake wants Trey Songz to call him “she” and “girl.” Their collaborations establish a love for the ages. There is nothing wrong with this.
[4]

Edward Okulicz: Quite impressive for the number of cliches crammed into four minutes. Rather less so for the generally poor quality of the pastiche and icky, not sensual, lyrics. Not even Ne-Yo could have sold this.
[4]

Ian Mathers: It turns out that I have officially passed my threshold of tolerance for both Trey Songz (always better just doing the hook than trying to actually carry a song) and Drake (who just seems more insufferable every time I hear him). Maybe if the narrative took any of the looniness of the title to heart or boasted production that was more interesting than this AC-mush-plus-beeping stuff this would be compelling, but as it is once Trey outright asks which of the ladies in the club is coming home with him, he just seems like an idiot. As a result, all points given are for my favourite comedy R’n’B song title since Kells’ “I Like the Crotch on You”.
[2]

Matt Cibula: I am pretty sure that this will average like a three or so, but I like it a lot because it tumbles and stumbles all over the place and is shot through with a metric tonne of melancholy to go with its bravado. I would say it works better on the album but then you would know I own the album and that would be pretty effin’ embarrassing for all of us.
[7]

Alex Ostroff: Alex: So I’m reviewing a song called I Invented Sex for Jukebox. Trey Songz ft. Drake. Neither of whom I am convinced have had sex.
Dave: lolz
Alex: “when i pull back them sheets / and you climb on top of me / girl you gon’ think / you gon’ think i invented sex”
Dave: I don’t even think that makes sense. Why would she think that? Because he’s old? Because he keeps the patent under his pillow?
Alex: Apparently they’re still fucking to Usher, c. 2004. If he owns Confessions he should at least consider the possibility that Usher invented sex. Nice harmonies, mind you.
[6]

John Seroff: “I Invented Sex” is four minutes of uninspired leftovers with, charitably, about one minute of song to listen to. There are glimmers of hope when Trey sniffs the cusp of curiouser territory (“She say she like the way I touch her/Listening to Usher/I got a confession/Know we ’bout to sin/But your body is a blessing/Father forgive me!”) but upbeat WTF-itude is scarce in a song this staid and unoriginal. Drake continues to underwhelm; it’s hard to imagine his 2010 being as profitable as his 2009 unless he seriously steps up to the plate.
[4]

Hillary Brown: Lacks the gonzo quality of “LOL”, but it’s still a pretty charming bedroom jam with a fine boast at its core and a lady-on-top message. Wooo.
[7]

Martin Skidmore: I really like the Los Da Mystro production, clicks and synth swirls, and the singing is quite sweet and smooth — I’m always pleased these days to hear male R&B singing without lots of autotuning sucking the personality and feeling out of it. Trouble is, I’m not sure either party here has that much of either in the first place, and the song is a standard-issue sexy slow jam. If you love R. Kelly, you’ll quite like this.
[5]