Tuesday, November 21st, 2017

Ed Sheeran – Perfect

“………..you’re not perfect.”


[Video][Website]
[3.00]

Nortey Dowuona: Just average. Decent but insubstantial bass, indistinct and flat guitar, soft, pedestrian strings. Ed Sheeran being Lukas Graham but somehow less loathsome (yeah, I don’t know how that happened either. Like Ed sinking to Lukas’s level yet not really?). Also, Ed, you clearly don’t deserve her.
[4]

Alex Clifton: After the weird misstep of “Shape of You,” Ed’s back with… another wedding song, I guess. I found “Thinking Out Loud” perfectly vile in its sugary sweetness, but somehow “Perfect” avoids some of those missteps. It sounds both exactly like what I’d expect from an Ed Sheeran song but also more bland than previous releases, rife with cliches (“be my girl, I’ll be your man / I see my future in your eyes”). I’d call that a knock against him, but in some ways it’s a blessing; we’re saved some of the detailed lyrical infodump he normally writes. It’s sweet, I suppose, but I’m more bored than moved. Also, I’m subtracting one point for the toothbrushes “kissing” in the lyric video; that’s the one true mark of the Ed Sheeran that I know and loathe.
[3]

Iain Mew: Ed Sheeran ballads line up on a weird reverse aging trajectory; somehow over time they sound ever more like the first adolescent stumblings of someone trying to take after Nizlopi and Damien Rice. 
[2]

Sonia Yang: Sheeran’s heartache is genuine, but everything else, from awkward high school poetry lyrics to the sappy descent of strings, is ultimately forgettable Hallmark Holiday special fodder. It’s perfect, all right — sometimes a bit too perfect. How does one bare their soul and somehow make that seem so utterly boring?
[3]

Scott Mildenhall: Lowly drivel blows, uselessly, uselessly. “If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time” this is not, although it would seem that Sheeran has covered it. If you’re going to plagiarise anyone, R. Kelly is at least not one to feel guilty about — in fact it would almost constitute a redeeming feature — but redeeming features are thin on the ground with “Perfect.” So procedural as to sound insincere, with the only detail missing being that it’s 2.4 children she’s going to carry, the only thing good about it is the songs it sort of sounds like.
[4]

Alfred Soto: Now that Ed Sheeran has replaced John Mayer as the white male songwriter beloved of industry vets, I’ve had to reckon with his considerable craft. He can write hooks and melodies — facts are facts, people. But “Perfect” makes a case for treating craft as if it were kindling. Even “Shape of You” had a funny streak that found its match in the sneaky-insinuating chorus. Sheeran, like many songwriting fools, white and male and otherwise, confuses banality for sincerity. “Barefoot on the grass,” “against all odds,” and “dancing in the dark” are just three horrors he associates with his “angel” in human form or some shit. Somebody give the bride a flame thrower to hide in her bouquet.
[2]

Will Adams: A glue-stuck collage of stock photos of milkshake couples, in song form.
[3]

Reader average: [4.44] (9 votes)

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One Response to “Ed Sheeran – Perfect”

  1. AHHH THE SUBHEAD