Monday, February 8th, 2021

Morgenshtern – Cristal & Moët

We consider GQ Russia‘s Musician of the Year…


Thomas Inskeep: “Cristal and Moët” concerns itself exclusively with the fact that rapper Morgenshtern, by virtue of his explosive popularity in Russia, can now buy anything he wants (champagne, cars, etc, etc). I’m not sure why I should care, though: his flow isn’t great, and Slava Marlow’s production (largely a booming bass, a trap beat, and an obnoxious sample of what sounds like a woman humming) doesn’t distinguish itself, either. 

Katherine St Asaph: All evidence suggests this is the Russian-troll equivalent of Jake Paul. But as trolling goes, it’s weird: like a Disney villain song that for some reason is built around a Stina Nordenstam-esque vocal loop. If it’s serious, I don’t even know; if it’s a joke, it goes on too long.

Alfred Soto: A hypnotic Middle Eastern hook keyed to the Russian rapper’s Danny Brown-indebted camp sneer almost creates something worthwhile.

Oliver Maier: By no means a terrific beat, but it deserved better than Morgenshtern’s staccato whimpering.

Harlan Talib Ockey: Morgenshtern’s goat-bleat of a voice sounds like one of those “Metallica Shreds” videos that used to be semi-popular on YouTube, which is almost a shame, because this is otherwise more in the “undercooked” category than the “genuinely bad” one. The structure is so truncated it feels like we’re only hearing about 40 per cent of the song, and the lyrics — through Google Translate, mind — seem like abysmally standard “used to be poor, now I’m rich” fare. Still, the beat is pretty good; the ethereal vocal fragment contrasts well against the brute-force bass hits. This is kind of like if a greasy frat boy broke into the studio and stole a much better rapper’s song from them while it was only half-finished.

Juana Giaimo: “I go places and do things without thinking if it’s good or bad. Many say it’s just an image, but I think people sense it’s all for real,” said Morgenshtern, but how can you do something for real without thinking if it’s good or bad? Ah, I’m so tired of men. 

Reader average: [1.66] (3 votes)

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