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[4.91]

Leah Isobel: Junk food pop isn’t necessarily bad pop, but it needs some semblance of structure to work. This is just five hooks awkwardly shoved together. Here’s one point for each.
[5]

Will Adams: A disjointed mess, not just with its varied sections — the title hook that stops just short of Todrick-level pandering; the rather nice Euro-pop breakdown; suddenly getting all klangy on Charli’s verse — but lyrically as well. Pabllo Vittar delivers a snotty comment about someone crowding out her solo picture, and immediately after Charli XCX asks you to “get in my picture.” Which is it? It’s sadly unsurprising given this is seemingly Vittar’s attempt at an English-language crossover; throwing darts at the wall to see what sticks.
[5]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: On Drag Race, a fun running gag is RuPaul joking about how drag queens don’t actually need musical talent in order to make music. And he’s largely right: aside from a select few (Adore Delano, Trixie Mattel), most queens releasing music can’t really sing, but bops are born because of conceptual ridiculousness (“Anus“; “Brown Cow Stunning“), willingness to be shameless (Willam once said, “If you got a check, I got a talent”) and frankly, queer fans’ overzealousness at picking up whatever queens put down. Anyways, here’s basically another track in that mold: more fun than it has any right to be given Pabllo Vittar’s barely passable voice, but too campy to not enjoy despite at points sounding dangerously close to “#Selfie.” The highlight, of course, is Charli’s rapped verse: effortless sexy coolness, sealed off with a kiss. I’m waiting for a version with just her which would probably be a [9], but for now, this is a 
[7]

Hannah Jocelyn: Yes, this is what Drag Race sounds like to those of us who do not watch it. But I do enjoy a good chorus, if not quite arrhythmic spoken-word segments.
[5]

Lauren Gilbert: We didn’t like “#SELFIE” five years ago, and this isn’t much better.
[2]

Katherine St Asaph: What if you removed all the contempt from “Selfie” and replaced it with an AlunaGeorge verse? There still wouldn’t be much there, but what is there would be tolerable.
[5]

Iain Mew: I’ve recently found that if I watch too much young kids’ TV, half of the voiceovers start to sound incredibly sarcastic, possibly as a mental defence mechanism against that level of unfiltered positivity. Some related illusion occurs with Pabllo’s spoken bits in “Flash Pose:” sarcasm so out of place in the song it goes back round to sounding genuine again, still leaving a bit of a disruptive mess. “Flash Pose” is still enjoyable thanks to Vittar’s work elsewhere with the elastic pre-chorus (shout out Aluna Francis) and a Charli verse which is pretty much on autopilot but trails enough glitter and sound effects to get away with it.
[6]

William John: As heavy-handed as being drenched by a bucket of amyl nitrite, but nonetheless hard to deny. Shout-out to co-writer Aluna Francis, who is presumably partly responsible for the exquisite house gloss of the pre-chorus.
[7]

Andy Hutchins: Pabllo’s voice is too perfect for ’90s house to belong to a kid born in 1994. Nostalgia addict Charli could have used some tips; instead of going full bore, she refuses to put her heels into the track, contributing a mumbly second verse that works as anchor, not ballast.
[5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I think the most upsetting thing about this is how the repeated spoken word bits are copy/pasted, sucking the life out of a song that should feel spontaneous and thrilling. The pleasantries provided by the AlunaGeorge parts reveal how unexciting the rest of the song is despite the flashy production.
[3]

Vikram Joseph: This would pass by unobtrusively in a club, and Charli XCX phones in a passable cameo, but I still can’t see this as anything other than just another identikit disco-house track screaming “queer representation!” while simply purveying the sort of slick, self-consciously sassy, brazenly capitalist, homogenised image of queer nightlife that’s become increasingly pervasive in the post-RuPaul era.
[4]