The Singles Jukebox

We appreciate the invitation, but we’re still hungover from last night.

[Video]
[2.30]

Taylor Alatorre: Maybe I’m primed to dislike this out of annoyance at being lumped in with a semi-imaginary cohort of “Park Slope trust fund kids” between 2015 and 2020, despite spending those years holed up in the Central Time Zone. Or maybe I’d rather just listen to Cobra Starship where the layers of irony are at least partway navigable, and connected to real, material concerns in even the most tenuous of ways. To give a [1] out of pity for the dirty bassline and purloined Duck Sauce would be to aid and comfort the enemy; there be no shelter here, the frontline is everywhere.
[0]

Nortey Dowuona: I guess I’m going to this guy’s party? He can play a mean bass. His snares suck, but apparently folks don’t be knowing they can’t play the snare by hitting it hard like they can with the kick.
[6]

TA Inskeep: James Murphy cannot be happy about this.
[6]

Leah Isobel: This is nothing.
[4]

Jel Bugle: OMG, this is just horrible! Makes the worst excesses of electroclash seem artful. People like this should not actually be allowed to sing. I don’t care if I’m invited, there is no way I am coming to your poxy party. Get a real job!
[2]

Alfred Soto: No, thanks, I gotta cut my toenails. 
[2]

Katherine St. Asaph: I have to say, it’s so much easier to do the necessary inner work of disliking The Dare when he sounds less like electroclash than “Moves Like Jagger.” Also when he opens his mouth.
[1]

Ian Mathers: What was that about “nostalgia waves I hated the first time“? Poor guy, he has exactly the wrong vocal timbre for this stuff.
[2]

Mark Sinker: Harrison Patrick “Turtlenecked” Smith of Dimes Square: genuinely the least appealing voice in all my years reviewing for TSJ. Is this a bit? If it is I don’t get it and what’s more I don’t want to get it. 
[0]

Hannah Jocelyn: Brat summer, in hindsight, felt like the last gasp of cultural joy before the horrors that await us in the coming years. I’ll miss the memes, I’ll miss “Good Luck, Babe”, I’ll miss the “HOT TO GO” dance, I’ll miss I’m working late, cause I’m a singerrrrr.  But holy shit, I will not miss The Dare.
[0]