The Singles Jukebox

Button. Down. Camo….

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[4.10]

Katherine St Asaph: They rebelled at first, but O-Town fell soon enough to the club-synth revolution.
[1]

Hazel Robinson: The slightly edgy ones from Hollyoaks go to Ibiza; however, neither this nor the occasional (I can’t believe I’m saying this) faux-Calvin Harris synth disguises the boring sub-rock roots of this.
[6]

Jonathan Bogart: Twenty seconds in: oh thank God, it’s weedy dance-pop instead of weedy inspirindie.
[5]

Edward Okulicz: Oh you Britishes. Here, you take two of your grand musical traditions, Coldplay and Take That, and bodge them both entirely in the introduction and closing — it’s like if one of Take That’s slow ones had been accidentally given to Mark to sing instead of Gary by mistake. That the rest of the song has gratuitous and numbing synth accordion over a generic club bang makes me feel like one of those people who attributes their success to their looks and slick marketing. One thing I know is that these boys, or at least their vowels, aren’t selling these come-ons. “All Time Low” was a good and underrated single, but this one has as much emotional as it has dancefloor pull: none. I’m not even feeling slightly like dancing, let alone getting naked here, guys! 
[2]

W.B. Swygart: A lunge for the accordion-house bandwagon so brazen that its accordion doesn’t even sound a tiny bit like an accordion — and yet I sort of love the immense lack of class on display here. Well, not love exactly, more… can’t quite stop staring at it. I dunno what it is, but it’s sort of OK.
[6]

Michaela Drapes: Sorry, I’m almost too utterly transfixed by the stunning juxtaposition of Siva Kaneswaran’s devastating beauty and Jay McGuiness’ dweeby Michael Cera-ness to mention anything else. This mushy hodgepodge doesn’t work on any level that I can discern — not as a party track, or a panty peeler — nothing. And, I’m pretty sure the only person who can get away with “I decided you look well on me …” is Lily Allen, delivering it with a sneer instead of as a come-on. People don’t seriously fall for that, do they? On second thought, don’t answer that.
[2]

Alfred Soto: The song isn’t even five seconds old and the chalky-voiced lead singer’s already got the sun going down and the stars coming out. By the time he offers the girl a drink, the programmed drums and synth presets have kicked in. Consider this the Continental version of a Bruno Mars song.
[3]

Rebecca Toennessen: Slick, generic, difficult to loathe but equally hard to find much to get excited about. I do appreciate that they apparently all live in the same house together, like the Beatles in Help!.
[4]

Michelle Myers: The chorus reminds me of a Coldplay song, but I can’t quite place which one. The rest of this is housey pop music that sounds like every other housey pop song released in 2011, with accordion synths, warped vocals, and club-related lyrics. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s not very special.
[6]

Brad Shoup: Demerits for this song’s being half a tune stretched to twice the length, but credits for not actually becoming a Coldplay song because I was worried for a second. It wouldn’t be a boy-band track without the rickety bravado and undercooked innuendo, but there’s a flavor of gratitude in the titular phrase that goes down well with me. Great summer song, if your summer involves staring across a beach.
[6]