And not a single mention of Pharrell trolling the world in the intro…

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Mark Sinker: More entries in the MJ-mask parade: more evidence you now wear it on the dancefloor subtly to signal (at a minimum) informed uncertainty. The sound’s a glinting dress-up for half a dozen high-age disco-pop moments — backing voices even singing a soul makossa shape as echo of an echo, its words as urgent-seeming as they’re teasingly hard to make out — and then Nicki, not exactly cock-blocking but not exactly not. 
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Megan Harrington: Haunted by “Happy,” chafed by “Come Get it Bae” and never bewitched by “Blurred Lines,” I feel like I’ve been waiting since the days of Neptunes past for Pharrell’s genius to merge with the interpreter it deserves. Mercifully, Pharrell is nothing but a spectre here, a golden cage housing Usher and Nicki in their glittering splendor. I imagine them as a platonic duo, out on the town. In the darkness of the club, Usher spots a girl worth getting to know better (“She was up tonight to get down”) but in the middle of the dancefloor Nicki’s hit friction (“Don’t be like OJ and forget ya glove”). Then the spotlight hits Usher’s girl and surprise! It’s Nicki! She giggles at us fools. Until next time, motherfuckers. 
[9]

Anthony Easton: The way Nicki Minaj sings “come on” is kind of amazing, she has one of the best flows in the business, and the horns are even better. Also, Usher doesn’t embarrass himself, and this has an exciting energy with a solid argument for female autonomy. Can this be song of the summer? 
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Josh Love: It’s probably too late for this to jump up and grab the “song of the summer” crown, which is a shame because producer Pharrell refines the best qualities of 2013’s anointed duo, “Blurred Lines” and “Get Lucky.” Elastic, kinetic disco-funk that nods simultaneously at Gaye and Chic while upgrading its vocalist and guest emcee from last year’s aforementioned smashes. Nicki in particular sounds great here, delivering 2014’s sickest burn: “He only lasts six seconds like a Vine.”
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Brad Shoup: She should’ve got “Good Kisser,” not this precisely rendered bore. Everything colorshifts when Nicki shows up, #visualizing a song that can handle the way she says “men?” If you’re going to do disco, please stop hiring Spotify tribute bands; if you’re going to show off your vocal takes, go solo.
[4]

Alfred Soto: As a vehicle for Usher’s astonishing vocal prowess — which gets more impressive every year — it’s unimpeachable. Forget Justin Timberlake: this guy can sing. But he can’t pick singles. For every “Climax” and “Good Kisser,” there’s “Scream” and this, gyrating for the sake of the “Blurred Lines” crowd.
[5]

Crystal Leww: Don’t call him a trendchaser; Looking 4 Myself had the wonderful “Twisted,” released almost a full year before Robin Thicke spent the summer of 2013 atop the charts with “Blurred Lines.” In some alternate universe, Usher was the king of 2013, so “She Came to Give It to You” in the summer of 2014 is a nice consolation prize. “Blurred Lines” was not great for the politics of female agency, but here, Usher is all about how she came to give it to him. But as much time as we can spend parsing lyrics, the tangible reality of “She Came to Give It to You” is how Usher continues to support the career of Nicki Minaj. Again, don’t call him a trend chaser; “Lil Freak” was on Raymond v. Raymond before Kanye ever rap-canonized her. On “She Came to Give It to You,” she’s given space to be Nicki Minaj, flirting and voice shifting like only she can, and ending with a definitive punchline: “He only lasts six seconds like a Vine.” It’s colder than anything you’ve heard all year, short of her interlude on the “Boss Ass Bitch” remix. I like Pharrell a lot, but his place in the background woo-ing is the right place for him. Usher and Nicki are here.
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Katherine St Asaph: Why so presumptuous? Maybe she came to listen to the S.O.S. Band. Usher’s career in 2014 is as disjointed as a satire-news homepage no one expects you to see all of: half the time he’s awesome and the other half he barely trumps Professor Green.
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Scott Mildenhall: “Just Be Good to Me” is too indelible for such a near-wholesale lift not to jar. Take a little bit less and it might be fine, but with verses solely comprising snatched melody it feels axiomatic that they should lead into the original chorus, and that sets up a big fall for when they don’t. But in a world where Jam & Lewis had never met, “She Came to Give It to You” would still be far from spectacular.
[5]

Will Adams: Usher attempting to imitate Pharrell’s guide vocal is a modern-day pop tragedy. Extra point for Nicki, who, despite her brief feature, manages to pump some air into this deflated balloon of a song.
[5]

Kat Stevens: I appear to be at a cocktail party in the sleek modernist lounge on Tracey Island. I can see the palms gently waving through the widescreen windows. The sun is setting and Jeff is fixing old fashioneds for everyone in the far corner of the room. Scott and Gordon are playing pool. Scott is winning, as usual. Everyone is secretly pleased that it’s Alan’s turn in space and John is down here with us, carefully and quietly constructing joints on the glass coffee table, with its chrome rim glinting as the sun dips onto the horizon. I watch him absent-mindedly, sat in an orange egg-shaped swivel chair, listening to Virgil tell an anecdote about that time he went clubbing in Zagreb with the Hood. Before he can get to the punchline, Lady Penelope interrupts with a gentle manicured tap on my shoulder, beckoning me to one of the stalls in the huge bathroom, where Nicki Minaj is waiting. She flicks a switch and the vanity mirror flips round to reveal a smooth steel chute, gently sloping downwards into a dark abyss. There’s a low humming noise of engines ticking over, patiently waiting to spring into action. Nicki silently gestures to the sparkling uniform hanging to the left. I mentally write off my plans for Monday AND Tuesday.
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