Just wait til Tech N9ne sees all the international charges on his next phone bill…
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[5.45]
Andy Hutchins: “Worldwide Choppers” begins with six seconds of an alarm-toned vocal sample intro coming into focus, just enough time to realize something is going to happen. And then that (fantastic) metallic “Turkey” gets uttered, Turkish rapper Ceza enters and fits 14 syllables into two seconds, and the onslaught is on. (Seriously, it sounds like the preface to rap combat in the year 2250. Good idea, whoever had that brainstorm.) Tech’s verse is the lowlight: It isn’t nearly as technically tricky as either of the foreign language verses here, or as high-energy as the unknown English speakers, and he’s certainly not seeing such lightning tongues as Yela, Twista, and Busta. Yela’s the star, all rhetorical questions and the perfect boast, “Really don’t need to show any more of my cock”; Twista gets the best line with the weirdly pretty, “I’m finna be usin’ it as energy, watch how radiant I’ma be,” then promises that, “Entire families all the way down to your girl die”; Busta switches up his typical mush-mouthed soft-loud flow with a stutter that never even threatens to ruin his total command of the meter. Even the droning, can’t-fuck-with-me hook works here: Technically fantastic, high-velocity rap for the sake of technically fantastic, high-velocity rap deserves “I’m light years/Ahead of my peers”-style chest-puffing.
[8]
Michaela Drapes: Even the beats can’t even keep up! A deadly sugar-rush of a track; just wish the chorus provided better infrastructure for what are probably the most top-heavy twisted lyrics of all time.
[6]
Jonathan Bradley: The gimmick is the purported hip-hop United Nations Tech N9ne has convened on a single track; in addition to rappers from Turkey and Denmark, the great nations of Chicago, New York and Kansas City are represented. That’s greater diversity than DJ “We Global” Khaled has ever achieved, anyway. Posse cuts of this kind tend to work best when the beat is irresistible, the personalities varied, and the styles heterogeneous; “Worldwide Choppers” features a serviceable metal-influenced instrumental, some rappers who either lack personality or didn’t bring any along to the studio the day of recording, and five minutes of interchangeable fast rap. At least Busta sounds on, stealing the spotlight as effectively as he did on Chris Brown’s “Look at Me Now.” I prefer this sort of thing when it focuses on a single city, anyway.
[5]
Hazel Robinson: Is there anyone not on this record? The line-up alone tells you what to expect: super rapid-fire rapping and good-natured party menace. I don’t mind admitting I haven’t got the faintest idea what anyone’s saying on the first listen but it was exciting until the bog-awful rock chorus, after which it just sounded like Eminem at the wrong speed. Disappointing.
[6]
Chuck Eddy: Everybody faster than everybody else. One of whom sounds like Eminem, one of whom sounds like Coolio, and one of whom sounds like Yelawolf. I can guess who the last one is, but as for sorting out the other guys, life is too short. And this is too long. Honestly, I have trouble thinking of cuts like this even as “music” — more like a gymnastics competition, maybe. I’d get bored at those, too.
[3]
Katherine St Asaph: As a technical showcase — and the Olympic-style announcements suggest that this is — sure, everyone acquits themselves quite quickly. As a song for song’s sake, what’s the point?
[5]
Jonathan Bogart: So yes, I dig super-fast rapping. Not necessarily because I’m all that interested in technical bravura — the reason the backing sounds like Godsmack is that this is to hip-hop heads what intense shredding is to metalheads — but because I take a simple, even childish pleasure in puzzles, and when you speed up speech to the point that your lips are moving faster than my brain can translate it into words, I get carried away by the challenge of deciphering what I just heard before. I liked the dude who did those Micro Machines commercials when I was a kid too.
[8]
Michelle Myers: I’ve always believed that technical proficiency is not an essential quality of good music, but that doesn’t mean that a flashy display of raw talent can’t be fun sometimes. The beat on this song is straight-up ugly, and Tech N9ne should not have asked so many of his boys from Kansas City to be on this track. On the other hand, it’s really cool to hear so many super-fast rappers in succession. I’d by lying if I said that Twista and Busta on the same track doesn’t appeal to me.
[4]
Renato Pagnani: The only ones who make an impression are Yelawolf, Twista, and Busta; the rest speed by in a nu-metal blur.
[5]
Zach Lyon: So what have we learned today? Rapid-fire rapping only sounds impressive when it’s featured next to normal-fire rapping. Not sure if that lesson was important enough to warrant the existence of this song, though.
[4]
Ian Mathers: What the hell just happened for, Jesus, five minutes?
[6]