Music to drink your colon-cleansing smoothie to…

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[2.22]

Brad Shoup: This is what I dig about Train: their singles always go off in a dozen lyrical directions. A song about hope can always veer into gay football players or alligator wrestling or something. Here as ever, Monahan plays the old coot, putting arched eyebrows over pop slang and affixing grins to outdated terminology like “groovy”. And now we have a pop song with the phrase “two-ply Hefty bag,” which should amuse our robot overlords at Billboard. On a sadder note, this may be the closest ska gets to the charts for a while.
[6]

Jer Fairall: Affecting a stoned frat-boy cadence to his vocals in accordance to the song’s vaguely Caribbean jaunt, Patrick Monahan reveals a cultural idiocy to match his skeezy misogyny and legendarily awful lyrics. Yet what apparently hopes to match the admittedly low bar set by Sublime winds up landing closer to senior citizen posturing of SuperHeavy, though I wouldn’t necessarily trust these guys to recognize even that pale distinction.
[2]

John Seroff: “Drive By” is unmistakably Train. The precision of wordplay, musical creativity and innate likeability on display equal the heights of the band’s previous hits. It would not surprise me if “Drive By” represented the apex of Train’s creative powers. I fully expect to hear this song on a near ongoing basis for the next three months.  Fans will undoubtedly enjoy it. Say what you like, it is almost undeniably a song. A song by Train.
[1]

Alfred Soto: “Hefty bag to hold my love” makes for an interesting, erm, metaphor; also interesting using post-peak Sugar Ray as an influence. But what the stuttered chorus and the singer’s wobbly pitch are doing here I hope one of their soul sisters can answer. These choads can’t stop singing and writing like they’re sleazos hoping to corner a girl in a closet. 
[2]

Iain Mew: I really tried to listen to this with an open mind, to not think of the painful, painful memories of “Drops of Jupiter” and the unbelievable terror of “Hey Soul Sister”. Then I got to “my love for you went viral”. Also, the middle eight sounds like David Gray if he was wobbling his head at twice the speed.
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Alex Ostroff: Here’s the thing. When I was thirteen, I actually dug ‘Drops of Jupiter’. And even though ‘Hey, Soul Sister‘ was a blight upon my existence, at the very least I could (intellectually) understand why it was the sort of song that could become incredibly popular. This is an uncomfortable acoustic ska-ish number that – if I’m hearing it correctly – is about him pledging his eternal devotion to a girl who moved to another city to get away from him. It’s a stalkerish ode that manages to compare the duration of his love for her favourably to a drive-by shooting. I suppose his love is a slower and more painful death.
[1]

Michaela Drapes: Wait, he did NOT just compare this girl to a… garbage bag? 
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Edward Okulicz: Train! A great punching bag band who come back every few years just as you’d nearly forgotten the omnipresence of their last big hit. But this isn’t anywhere near as noxious as I expected; in fact, “Drive By” is executed as ruthlessly and skilfully as you’d expect, and without any particularly amusing or aggravating bits, it will at least be somewhat avoidable. Taking some of those 90s ska-revival noises and putting a catchy, punchy beat behind it is a good idea, though it would have helped if someone involved had Mark McGrath’s lazy charisma.
[4]

Matt Cibula: Dear Mr. Monahan: As the lawyers for Singles Jukebox writer Matt Cibula, we hereby notify you that A) our client don’t like it, and B) we are in fact suing you on his behalf. Thank you very much for agreeing to this lawsuit in advance. Sincerely, Gloria Allred and Associates.
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